Addressing the Evil Inside of Us

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas Hatorah (www.bircas.org)

Bilaam is a hard personality to fathom. On the one hand, Chazal (Bamidbar Rabbah 24:16) state that he was Moshe Rabbeinu’s equal in nevuah (in Devarim 34:10, it states only that “no prophet in Israel arose like Moshe,” but among the gentiles, there was one – Bilaam).

How could a prophet as great as Moshe, who had direct communication from Hashem, have wanted to curse Hashem’s beloved nation, Yisrael? Bilaam knew that Hashem loves Am Yisrael! And why did he persist at cursing them even when Hashem told him openly that this was against His will?

Moreover, how could such an elevated prophet have a quenchless appetite for kavod (as we see in Rashi, Bamidbar 22:13)? The Sages add (Avoda Zara 4a) that Bilaam had maniacal lusts, and indulged even in bestiality. How can one person possess such a split personality?

Chazal give us the answer: “Jealousy, desire and honor take a man out of the world” (Avos 4:21, and see 5:19).

Meaning, whatever a person’s spiritual level, he is still in danger of succumbing to jealousy, lusts or a desire for honor. These three drives are part of our nature, and when a person gives in to them, he finds himself “outside of the world.” This is what happened to Bilaam. Bilaam gave in to his lusts and desire for kavod so much that it took him out of this world, and he sank to a level lower even than animals.

In fact, the previous parshiyos also show how bad middos took great people out of this world. The meraglim were exceptionally great people, but the fear of losing their role as leaders of Klal Yisrael led them to the terrible sin of speaking against Eretz Yisrael, and willfully misleading the entire Jewish People (Mesilas Yesharim 11).

Korach was also a great man. What caused him to rebel was his jealousy over not receiving a role of leadership among the Levi’im (see Rashi, Bamidbar 17:1).

If such great people were led to the depths of sin due to bad middos, what hope do we have of saving ourselves from these three basic drives, that are so much a part of our nature?

Rav Yechezkel Levinstein would advise that we first understand just how evil and destructive these middos can be for anyone. Jealousy is not an innocuous feeling locked safely in our heart. It can lead quite quickly to intense feelings of hatred, to the extent that one may wish ill or even death for another person. The taava for money is a slippery slope to dishonesty and even theft. Moreover, all three drives can literally take control of a person, until he can’t even think straight.

For example, how could Korach have accused Moshe and Aharon of “taking the Kehuna?” Moshe’s nevua was undisputable, and whatever position he gave to Aharon was based only on nevuah (see Vayikra 8:2-5). Who in his right mind would have thought that Moshe appointed Aharon Kohen Gadol on his own?

The meraglim were great men, but what were they thinking? Did they think that since they wanted to remain leaders, Klal Yisrael should therefore remain in the Midbar and never enter Eretz Yisrael?

We as well, when jealousy, lusts and a desire for honor begin gaining the upper hand, we can get so wrapped up in them that we forget even the most elementary standards of behavior. Also, these drives rob us of our health. They are behind countless cases of high blood pressure, ulcers, heart attacks and more. People who are in the throes of jealousy, lusts and honor live a restless existence, and their lives are surely shortened by this.

Keeping in mind how destructive these drives are should serve as a motivation to work hard to get rid of them. It might be hard work, because it goes against our nature, but we have to do it because our lives depend on it.

Rav Abba Shaul would say that the way to stop these drives from harming us is to reverse the process. If we are very keen on receiving honor, we should work on giving others honor. One who has a taava for money should try to give a lot of money to tzedaka; to be a giver, and not a taker, of money. We have to look for ways to break free of these drives, and if necessary, to take counsel from others on how to do this.

Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz would offer surprisingly different advice – to work on self-esteem, and understand how important an observant Jew is. The Sages (Sanhedrin 37a) state that a Jew is obligated to see himself as if the entire world was created just for him! Mesilas Yesharim (1) explains that we should view every single good deed we do as positively affecting ourselves and the entire universe, and the same for negative deeds, these can destroy the universe! If we think about this, we will understand how critical our actions and middos, are and how devastating they can be.   This realization should help us control ourselves. We’ve been given license to build or destroy – how can we be so cruel as to destroy!?

Rav Shmuel Rozovsky would stress that the avoda of self-esteem is even more incumbent on bnei Torah. “Let’s appreciate what we are doing – we are learning the Torah of Hashem!” he would tell his talmidim. “This awareness should affect everything we do. The Torah we study should envelop us in light; it should be like a light inside of us, illuminating our middos and all of our deeds. We should feel this light. Every step a ben Torah takes should be imbued with the glory of Hashem.”

When the mashgiach of Ponovezh Rav Abba Grosbard passed away, bachurim of the yeshiva decided to establish a study group in his memory that would work on improving traits of character. They spoke with Rav Shmuel Rozovsky, who asked what trait they had chosen to work on.

Anava (humility), they replied.

“In today’s world, you don’t need to work on anava,” replied Rav Rozovsky. “Instead, you should work on gaava (vanity). A ben Torah should feel his importance, what a great zchus it is to be a ben Torah. This is what you have to work on. Feeling our importance helps us not fall, and even if there is a fall, we get right back up again.”

Particularly in our current circumstances, in which the corona virus still prevents us from returning to our beloved beis medrash, nisyonos (tests) may arise that would not be so hard if we had the influence of our rebbeim and were surrounded by other people who are learning. Nevertheless, we are bnei Torah wherever we are, and all our deeds should reflect this, in our middos and the way we act. We should feel like a ben Torah, act like one and be proud of this.

May our every step be imbued with the glory of Hashem!