פרשת וישלח
This week’s Parsha tells us that when Yaakov was about to remake his acquaintance with Eisav after being away for 20 years, he sent messengers ahead of him to survey the situation and determine how Eisav was feeling toward him. When these messengers returned they reported that Eisav still bore feelings of animosity toward Yaakov and was rapidly closing in on Yaakov’s position with 400 soldiers at his side. The verse then goes on to say that Yaakov was terrified of the potential harm that Eisav could inflict on him and his family. The Gemorah in Berachos (4) records its puzzlement at Yaakov’s reaction. Hadn’t Hashem promised Yaakov that He would make him into a great nation, and would always be there to protect him? Why then would Yaakov possess such fear that Eisav was approaching? Shouldn’t he have trusted in God’s explicit promise? The Gemorah answers that Yaakov was worried that perhaps he had sinned and lost his guarantee for protection.
The Ibn Ezra on the Parsha asks; if Yaakov had sinned, wouldn’t he know about it or wouldn’t it have been recorded in the Torah? He explains that Yaakov was not worried that he had performed an obtuse coarse sin, but rather he was concerned that perhaps he had transgressed a minor infraction, for example he may have had one bad thought, even that may have only been accidental, and based on this, would lose his stature. The Ibn Ezra goes on to explain that the greater a person is, the higher the standard is that he is held to. In Yaakov’s case, where his very image is engraved under God’s Holy throne, there was no doubt that he would be held to an extremely strict grading scale. Yaakov was therefore scared that he may not have been careful on some minutia, ergo he was worried that Eisav would be able to harm him.
The Ibn Ezra goes on to prove how Yaakov’s fears were indeed grounded. We find later by Moshe Rabenu a proof to this. Moshe was commanded to circumcise his son, but delayed slightly in order to arrange the lodgings for his family. This small mistake almost cost him his life. The Midrash says that a snake came and swallowed him up all the way until his neck. When his wife Tziporah realized what was going on, she quickly took a knife and circumcised their son, at which point the snake spit Moshe out and he was spared. But we see from this incident, concludes the Ibn Ezra, how seriously great people are judged on such seemingly small matters.
The parsha continues by recording how when Yaakov hears from Hashem that his merits have not been diminished, he held up his staff and exclaimed, “God – I am not worthy of all the kindness you have done for me”. Rashi explains that Yaakov meant to say that he was worried that perhaps his merits had been used up and he would not be allowed to reenter Israel. We see from Yaakov’s reaction, that not only must a righteous person be concerned that he will be punished for even a minor offense, but he must even be concerned that if his life is too good, perhaps this would diminish his merit as well, and his relationship with God will be affected in a negative way. The Talmud says that if person goes for thirty days with no difficulties he is certainly not even Jewish!
There is a Gemorah in Sanhedrin (101) which further illustrates this point. The Gemoras says that when R’ Eliezer was sick his students came in to visit him. When they arrived R’ Eliezer sighed and said that his pain had become excruciating. At this point, all the students who were gathered around his bed began to weep in empathy with their Rebbi but, surprisingly, R’ Akiva began to laugh. The other students asked R’ Akiva why he was laughing? He responded by asking them why they were crying. They explained, if a Torah Scroll is in pain, should we not cry? R’ Akiva responded to them, when our Rebbi had it easy, I was always worried that perhaps he received his entire reward in “this world”, but now that I see that he is having difficulty, I am convinced that his portion in the world to come has remained in tact. R’ Elizer, overhearing this fascinating conversation going on near his deathbed, sat up and asked R’ Akiva if he thought that his Rebbi had sinned. R’ Akiva responded, “Rebbi, you yourself taught us that there is no righteous person in the land who does only good and never sins”. We see from this interchange that apparently R’ Elizer, the great Tanna, was under the impression that he had never sinned, so anything he did do must have been very minor. Yet, R’ Akiva, who the Gemora concludes with, says that even so, on your level, you must have sinned, even if it was in a seemingly minor way and thereby may have endangered your entire portion in the world to come, but now that you have been cleansed, it is clear that your are heaven bound.
What we need to cull from this Gemorah and from Yaakov and Moshe are two points. Firstly, we need to be constantly aware of our actions, even the most minute ones, in order to monitor them for any inappropriate behavior. Even the most trivial infraction might have a devastating affect on our total spiritual success. A great leader of this generation once told me that the secret to spiritual success is to constantly perform a spiritual accounting of one’s actions twice a day. This will certainly ensure a person’s ultimate triumph. And secondly, we must be aware that when we are presented with unpleasant experiences in life, and we certainly are not on the level to invite them, we must always take solace in the fact that these unpleasant experiences are usually fantastic signs that we are succeeding in spirituality, and in fact usually are helping us to grow. Additionally, these unpleasant or sometimes outright painful experiences cleanse a person in ways which no other activity can, and cause a person to inherit a much higher place in the world to come.
May Hashem help us to successfully scrutinize all of our actions and to ensure that they are refined!