The True Meaning of Tzniyus

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah (www.bircas.org)

In this week’s parsha, Yaakov Avinu comes to Padan Aram, where he meets the woman whom he sees with ruach Hakodesh is his intended spouse — Rachel Imeinu. Rashi describes (29:12,18,25) how Rachel warned Yaakov that her father would try to deceive him, and how the two devised signs to ensure that Lavan not bring a different girl to Yaakov at the time of the marriage. Only, when Rachel realized that her father was bringing Leah to Yaakov in her place, she feared that this would cause her embarrassment. She therefore gave over to Leah the signs she had arranged with Yaakov.

Rachel’s heroism is indeed astounding. She had no way of knowing at that time that she would be able to marry Yaakov in another week. For all she knew, she would now fall into the clutches of Esav. Despite such concerns, Rachel went ahead and risked all to spare her sister from embarrassment.

The question is, when Chazal (Megila 13b) describe Rachel’s behavior, they do not speak of her mesirus nefesh, chessed or compassion. Rather, they speak of Rachel’s “tzniyus.”

We are familiar with the term tzniyus as referring to modest dress. This surely cannot be what Chazal mean. How do Chazal understand the meaning of the word tzniyus?

“Tzniyus” literally means “hiddenness.” Rav Chaim Friedlander explains that a tzanua person hides or covers himself because his concern is for Hashem alone; he sees himself as “not in the picture.” Tzniyus finds expression in all areas of life; doing things in a hidden manner, avoiding attention not out of shyness but rather because what’s important is Hashem and not one’s selfish interests. To dress immodestly is a blatant lack of tzniyus, but modesty in dress is only a sub-category of the broader concept known as tzniyus.

In Sukkah (49b), the sages cite two mitzvos as examples of tzniyus — Hachnassas Kalla and burial of the dead. Both mitzvos involve a public display, either of celebration for the chassan and kalla, or of honor and respect for the deceased. Even though such mitzvos place the doer in a public forum in which he by nature draws attention to himself, for the tzanua person is it the deed that is public, not the doer. Even as all eyes are upon him, as he dances before the chassan or delivers a eulogy for the departed, at that very same moment he is “hidden,” because his focus is on others and not himself.

When Rachel saw Leah being brought to the chuppah, this was a test. To what extent would she feel concern only for others, leaving her interests out of the picture? Would she be willing to forego the role of matriarch of the Jewish People? How important was it to her to spare Leah embarrassment? Was it worth giving up her life?

Rachel passed this test, and for eternity she serves as the ultimate expression of tzniyus. Tzniyus, in its fullest sense, means self-nullification, and this is what Rachel did.

How can we grow in tzniyus?

There is no magic formula; we simply have to try to do good deeds in a hidden way. Rav Avigdor Miller would advise people to make sure every day to do at least one good thing that no one will know about. Do it solely for the sake of heaven, nothing more.

Tzniyus is a prime element in bringing us closer to Hashem. Rabbeinu Yonah (Shaarei Teshuva 1:25), in analyzing the words of the navi, Micha (6:6), rephrases the prophecy: What can I do to get close to Hashem? Will I accomplish this by offering many korbanos? This is not the way to get closer to Him. The way to get close to Him is with the middah of tzniyus. The more good deeds we do in secret, and the more we conceal our avodas Hashem, the closer we come to Him.

In Kesubos (62b) the Sages describe how Rachel, the daughter of a wealthy man in the era just before the destruction of the Second Beis Hamikdash, chose to marry a simple shepherd named Akiva. At the time, this man did not even know how to read, yet thanks to his wife’s devotion and encouragement, he went on to become the eminent sage Rabbi Akiva. How was Rachel able to discern the greatness that lied dormant in him? The Sages say that she saw his tzniyus. A person who possesses tzniyus will certainly reach great heights.

R’ Gershon Burd, z”l, former director of our yeshiva, was an outstanding example of tzniyus. We who saw him on a daily basis had no idea of the extent of his chassadim. Only after his death did scores of stories emerge about his acts of chessed, all done quietly and behind the scenes.

At the shiva, we heard dozens of stories of how R’ Burd gave people money to pass on to struggling families and individuals. In most cases, the recipients had no idea that it was R’ Burd who was helping them. Some had never heard of him.

When R’ Burd was alive, children of the neighborhood used to receive a colorful shipment of inflated balloons on their birthday. People assumed that the store that provided the balloons did so for free as a way of advertising their services. Only after R’ Burd’s death did it come to light that these balloons were being delivered at his expense. Many, many other stories exist as well, all of them testimonies to his tzniyus.

May we be zoche to grow in tzniyus!

NEW! HOT OFF THE PRESS!
Rabbi Krieger’s “Gedolei Yisroel on the Parashah & Yamim Tovim” is now available from the Yeshiva office, Jewish bookstores worldwide and can be ordered online at https://www.feldheim.com/gedolei-yisroel-on-Parashah-yamim-tovim-2.