Examining Our Motives

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah (www.bircas.org)

One of the events recorded in Korach’s revolt is the defiant response of Dasan and Aviram to Moshe Rabbeinu’s summons. They accused Moshe of “lording it over them” and seeking undue honor from his position. In response, Moshe says to Hashem, “I have never taken a single donkey from them, nor have I ever wronged either of them.” Rashi explains Moshe’s reference to a donkey: when he returned to Mitzrayim from Midyan to redeem the Jews, he refused to make use of their property. He would not even take a single donkey to get from place to place on their behalf.

Moshe’s response raises two questions: First, Moshe’s response was directed at Hashem, not at Dassan and Aviram. Why did Moshe feel the need to justify himself to Hashem in the face of their outlandish accusations? Second, Dassan and Aviram attacked Moshe’s leadership in a general way. Yet, Moshe responded with a discussion of minor details. Why?

Rav Zalman Sorotzkin and Rav Yerucham Levovitz both note that Moshe’s response indicates that he was examining his own behavior to determine if there was indeed any truth to the accusations. He was analyzing himself to see if he did receive undue honor or “lorded it” over others, even in the slightest way. Moshe’s response is a lesson in self-examination. This is the ideal reaction of a Jew who is confronted with rebuke. Instead of simply dismissing the attack, even when it seems utterly ridiculous, Moshe suspected himself. Perhaps there was a grain of truth in this accusation?

Moshe also demonstrates how we must go about examining our motives and actions. He looked not only at the general nature of his service of Hashem, but also at the tiniest details. Did he ever take a donkey from someone, even to go and fulfill a direct command from Hashem? Did he ever offend anybody? It is implied that if he had discovered a flaw in even these tiny details, he would have considered the accusation presented by Dassan and Aviram to be true. We see how exacting a person must be to avoid the slightest taint of self-interest.

Rav Eliyahu Dessler also discusses the significance of Moshe Rabbeinu’s focus on the tiniest details. In Michtav M’Eliyahu he notes that small details are the best indicator of a person’s essence. Major acts are unreliable for judging one’s character, as they can easily be motivated by expectation of reward, honor, or even momentary excitement over doing something big. In contrast, smaller details demonstrate one’s true commitment to Hashem. Only a person who is filled with love for Hashem is meticulous in the matters that others neglect. The small details prove that a person is completely devoted to serving Hashem.

The Ramchal addresses this idea in Mesillas Yesharim (chap. 10), when discussing the trait of nekius, cleanliness. He explains that one must be completely “clean” from the tiniest traces of bad traits and sin, and not just from the big things that everyone recognizes as evil. One must also seek out and eradicate “small” sins, which many permit themselves to transgress. Only by eradicating these failings does a person cleanse himself. If a person allows himself to transgress in small ways, he hasn’t truly changed.

Rav Dessler brings an example of this: Most people would not steal from someone else outright. Yet in business, people often think nothing of rounding off numbers to their benefit. This is exactly the type of “tiny” detail we must look for. The impulse that allows us to “round off figures” indicates that we have not yet removed the desire to steal from our being. Indeed, the Gemara says that the greatness of Iyov was that he was careful with even the smallest amount of money.

The Gemara (Avodah Zarah 18a) tells over a conversation between two tanna’im: Rabi Yossi ben Kisma became ill, and Rabi Chanina ben Tradyon came to visit him. Rabi Yossi ben Kisma said, “We’re living under the Romans, who destroyed our Beis HaMikdash and killed many righteous Jews. They’ve decreed that anyone who teaches Torah in public will be killed! How can you continue to learn Torah and gather students to teach?”

Rabi Chanina ben Tradyon responded, “Hashem will have mercy on me.”

Rabi Chanina ben Tradyon then asked Rabi Yossi ben Kisma, “Do I have a portion in the World to Come?”

“Did you do any good deeds?” Rabi Yossi asked.

Rabi Chanina ben Tradyon explained that he had money set aside for his Purim meal, and he gave it to a poor person. Yet, he never replaced the money for the meal from the money he had set aside for charity.

“If only I had such a merit!” responded Rabi Yossi ben Kisma, explaining that this act certainly entitles one to a portion in the World to Come.

There is a powerful lesson here: Rabi Chanina ben Tradyon had accomplished great things, such as risking his life to teach Torah. Still, he was only assured of a portion in the World to Come because of his small acts. The small things indicated that he was entirely devoted to serving Hashem. Big things may be accomplished with impure motives—a tinge of other interests such as honor or reward may get mixed in. The small things that no one sees are done only out of pure intentions. Thus, only through these small acts can one be assured a portion in the World to Come.

May we be zocheh to show our devotion to Hashem with all of our actions, both great and “small”!