What to Mourn

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah (www.bircas.org)

During the three weeks from the Seventeenth of Tammuz until the Ninth of Av, we are commanded to mourn for the churban (the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash). There are numerous laws that apply during this period, such as prohibitions on haircuts, weddings, and music. During the Nine Days, more restrictions are added, culminating with the fast of the Ninth of Av, Tisha B’Av.

Despite the many physical restrictions of this time of year, one’s primary mourning is supposed to take place in one’s heart: feeling the loss of the Beis Hamikdash. The Arizal says that every day during the Three Weeks, a Jew is supposed to shed tears over the loss of the Beis Hamikdash. Indeed, on Tisha B’Av, crying is a necessity, as the Sages state (Sotah 35a) that Hashem decreed the Ninth of Av to be a day of crying for all generations.

How can we mourn sincerely for the Beis Hamikdash? After all, it seems to be utterly remote from our lives. The churban happened over two millennia ago. How can we mourn what we never had – and nor did our fathers, grandfathers or great grandfathers?

Rav Aharon Kotler explains that the trials and tribulations suffered in exile by our people were caused by the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. This was the beginning of our downfall, and all of the persecution that we have suffered throughout history—all the expulsions, pogroms, blood libels and anti-Semitic laws—are only a continuation of this. We are no less in exile here in Eretz Yisrael, where terrorists are constantly trying to harm Jews, God forbid. Throughout the world, there is a rising number of hate crimes against Jews, including desecrations of shuls and cemeteries. Indeed, the Sages say (Sotah 48a) that since the churban, a single day does not go by which does not bear the curse of the Beis Hamikdash’s destruction. These are all reasons for us to mourn the churban, right now, in our day and age.

However, Rav Kotler adds, beyond the physical suffering caused by the churban is the spiritual ordeal that it has caused. This is a greater reason for us to mourn. How many Jews have no idea that they are Jewish? How many others are estranged entirely from Yiddishkeit? Indeed, even among Torah-observant Jews, how many are reeling from the test presented by modern technology and other influences of the time? For that matter, how many religious Jews are sincerely working on a true relationship with Hashem?

Before the churban, these troubles did not exist. In the Beis Hamikdash, a Jew could witness ten miracles that were always present (Avos 5:7), enabling him to reach a palpable faith in Hashem. One could feel the divine presence as he watched the kohanim performing the avoda and heard the beautiful songs of the levi’im. The smell of the ketores alone was capable of arousing a Jew to repentance (Zohar, Shemos 218).

The Beis Hamikdash was called “a house of prayer to all of the nations (Yeshaya 56:7).” Imagine being able to pray in a place where your prayers would almost surely be answered. Would the countless Jews that became lost from Judaism through cults of all forms have abandoned their religion if they had had such a House of Prayer!?

The Beis Hamikdash even provided Jews with atonement on both a national and personal level. Any time one sinned, he could bring a korban and become close to Hashem again.

There is yet another reason to mourn the exile—tzaar haShechina (the pain that Hashem feels over the exile). Take a father who is separated from his children, and he has not seen or heard from them in years. Imagine him sitting alone at his table. This is how the Sages depict tzaar haShechina. Should we not feel Hashem’s pain, too? The Sages say that when the Jews answer to the kaddish, Hashem exclaims, “Woe to the Father who was forced to banish his children from his table (Brachos 3a).” The Sages also tell us (Chagigah 5b) that Hashem cries over the loss of His nation within His inner chambers.

Indeed, the very idea of “Hashem’s nation” has become lost in our world. Many people today do not even recognize that Hashem exists, and that the Jews are His people. The Christians claim that they are His nation, the Moslems claim that they are His nation, and yet many Jews reject as “chauvinistic” the idea we are Hashem’s nation. Inside His inner chambers, Hashem cries over this loss. Should we not cry, too?

With these ideas in mind, we should be able to shed tears over the loss we are suffering right now. We can feel it no less than our ancestors, who actually saw the Beis Hamikdash. We should try to mourn the Beis Hamikdash sincerely, with tears, because the Sages promise, “Whoever mourns Yerushalayim will merit to see its happiness (Taanis 30b).” Indeed, mourning is a key to the Redemption! Rav Chaim Friedlander would note that one has extra assistance from heaven to sincerely mourn for the Beis Hamikdash during this time.

If we are sincerely trying to mourn the churban, it follows that we should try to correct the reason for the churban. The Sages (Yoma 9b) tell us that the reason for the destruction of the Second Beis Hamikdash was sinas chinam – baseless hatred between Jews. If the Beis Hamikdash still has not been rebuilt, it indicates that we have not overcome this shortcoming. The Maharal writes that the severity of sinas chinam is that it testifies to the rotten core of one’s heart.

How can we rid ourselves of such a terrible trait? The Alter of Kelm would advise one to work on loving Jews. One should constantly think about ways to help his fellow Jew. Help can be in the form of a friendly smile, a sincere “good morning,” or myriad other things. What are my resources? One should think. How can I use them to help Jews? One may have connections in his field that enable another to get the right job or speak to the right experts. Be creative!

My father used to say, “Think about every Jew as if he is your own family! Wouldn’t you be willing to go out of your way to help a close relative?”

Rav Chaim Friedlander writes that the root of sinas chinam – and any type of jealousy – is a lack of emunah, faith in Hashem. We should try to strengthen our belief that whatever we have is what Hashem decreed for us. No one can take away what Hashem has decreed for us. Hashem provides every Jew with what he needs to be able to fulfill the particular job that Hashem expects of him. Indeed, no two people are alike – we all have our own unique purpose to fulfill. It follows that all we have—health, intelligence, wealth, appearance, popularity—is what Hashem has decided is best for us.

We should review this idea often, and never allow jealousy to take root. Jealousy is a lie, because what my fellow man has is good for him, not for me. I rely on Hashem’s judgment, and fully believe that Hashem knows exactly what I have and need. If my neighbor has a bigger house or faster car, or if my study partner has already finished the maseches and I am still struggling at the beginning, it is not an accident. This is the situation that Hashem wants for me, and He knows that I can succeed in it.

People would ask Rav Avraham Pam for advice when they felt that their business was being undermined by a competitor. Rav Pam would first verify if the competitor was not taking away customers in violation of halacha. If he was not, Rav Pam would advise them to be strong in their emunah and trust Hashem. He would say, “No competitor can take away what Hashem has decreed that you will have. The money that he earns is not coming from you!”

Rav Pam would add that he knew of a Jew who built up a successful business as a tie manufacturer. He employed many Holocaust survivors in his factory, and was grateful to Hashem that he could provide them with a livelihood. On one occasion, an employee of his said that he was considering starting his own tie factory. The boss said that he would be more than happy to help him, and he began teaching him all of the aspects of the business. Eventually, he set this employee up in his own factory. He always gave generously of his time to advise him.

When people asked him why he was going out of his way to help his own competitor, he would declare, “No one can take away my livelihood. If I help him, Hashem will help me, too!”

May we be zocheh to mourn sincerely for Yerushalayim!