Chayei Sarah 5775
In this week’s parsha we get a look into the personality of a man whose name was mentioned only briefly until now — Eliezer eved Avraham. The Torah relates in detail how Avraham Avinu entrusted the critical mission of finding the right wife for his son Yitzchak to his faithful servant and talmid, Eliezer; and the journey, replete with suspense and miracles, that Eliezer undertook.
Obviously, such a momentous task as determining the second Matriarch could only have been given to a man of sterling character, and indeed, Chazal relate (Yoma 28) that Eliezer was one of the senior talmidim of Avraham Avinu, whose teachings Eliezer spread far and wide. The Medrash (Bereishis Rabba 59:8) even says that Eliezer had full control over his yetzer hara, and that his face resembled Avraham’s.
Also, Eliezer’s handling of his mission, his heartfelt tefilla when reaching the well, his siyatta deShemaya in finding Rivka and his handling of the situation in the house of Besuel all point to Eliezer’s tzidkus, bitachon, emuna and wisdom.
Only this leads to a question: Eliezer had a daughter whom he hoped would marry Yitzchak, and he tried to hint this to his master (Bereishis Rabba 59:9). Avraham refused in surprisingly harsh terms, telling him: “You, a descendant of Cham, are cursed, whereas I am blessed, and one who is cursed does not cling to one who is blessed.” The Medrash also says that Eliezer possessed his ancestors’ trait of deceitfulness. Could it be that such a renowned talmid and spreader of his rebbe’s teachings could be labeled as “cursed” and “deceitful?”
Moreover, when Avraham took leave of Yishmael and Eliezer to go with Yitzchak to the Akeida, he said to them, “shvu lachem poh im hachamor” (22:4). On these words Chazal explain: don’t read im hachamor but rather am hachamor — a people that are like donkeys. How could Avraham Avinu liken his legendary talmid to a beast!
Another question is: When Eliezer was greeted with the words “blessed one of Hashem” (24:31), Chazal say that at that moment Eliezer’s whole nature changed; he left behind his cursed state and was now blessed. If until now Eliezer was cursed, despite his years as a loyal servant and talmid of Avraham, what made that moment so special that it could change him to such a degree?
Rosh Yeshivas Chevron Harav David Cohen answers that while Eliezer was surely a great tzadik and chacham, even great people can nevertheless conceal within themselves bad middos that are very hard for them to get rid of. Eliezer descended from Cham, whom Noach cursed after he had rendered him unable to bear children. Cham did this wicked deed to make sure that he would only have to divide the world with Shem and Yefes and no additional brothers (Rashi 9:25). A faint but tangible manifestation of this trait of greed still existed within Eliezer. Even though deep down he knew that a Canaanite maidservant would not become the next Matriarch, Eliezer nevertheless hinted at such an idea to Avraham. Eliezer’s cursed nature remained with him until he subjugated himself entirely to the goal of finding someone else to be Yitzchak’s wife. This involved a long journey and numerous efforts, in which his own interests had to be kept out of the picture the whole time. Eliezer persisted and won, and as he completed his mission the verse declares him “the blessed one of Hashem.” His selfless efforts for Yitzchak are what took him out of the category of cursed and made him blessed.
Rav Gedalia Shor, basing himself on Bereishis Rabba (60:7), teaches that if the Canaanite Eliezer became baruch, all the more so can we. Unlike Eliezer, we were born to the blessed nation and can each claim worthy traits as our inheritance. If Eliezer’s persistence led to such success in ridding himself of a bad midda, we surely can improve ourselves if we put in consistent, determined efforts. The problem is, when the going gets tough, we often relent or give in altogether. Instead of persisting, we make the mistake of “switching to something less difficult.” Eliezer teaches us that even the most ingrained midda, even one that seems genetically impossible to uproot, can in fact be uprooted if one is persistent. Eliezer undertook a mission that demanded utter subjugation of his trait of selfishness over a long period of time, and at the moment he completed the mission, the cursed trait left him at last. That is the message — no matter how hard it gets, don’t give up, because davka the most difficult moments may be the ones where a breakthrough is right at hand.
How do we get to persistence? In Makos 10b it states that “in the way a person wants to go, he is led.” Meaning, a person first has to have ratzon; he must have a clearly defined goal, such as:
“I want to be a baal middos… a true oheiv Yisrael…a calm person, who doesn’t get upset over trivial things…”
Once you have this goal, the next step is to develop enthusiasm over it. Rav Zelig Pliskin would tell people to write down their goal, think about it and imagine themselves as the person they want to be. “This,” he said, “will give you the energy to be persistent in your efforts. And remember: if you’re persistent and enthusiastic about what you’re doing, you will reach that goal!”
Once, a group of talmidim watched their Rebbe, Harav Moshe Feinstein, open up a maseches of a brand new Shas he had just received. Rav Feinstein’s joy over the pristine sefer and its impeccable print was clear to all.
And then, one of the talmidim accidentally knocked over the inkwell that was on Rav Moshe’s desk, covering one full page of the maseches with blue ink.
Rav Moshe looked at the page, raised his head and, smiling broadly, told his talmidim: “Blue is my favorite color! This page is even more beautiful now!”
Rav Moshe’s comment dispelled any tension, and the talmidim took leave of him. Later, when Rav Moshe noticed that one talmid was particularly impressed by his handling of the situation, he told him:
“What do you think — that I was born like this? As a matter of fact, my nature is to be very makpid, but I worked on it.”
May we be persistent in perfecting our middos!