Haazinu

פרשת האזינו ושבת שובה

This week’s Haftara begins with the words, “Return to Hashem, if you have stumbled with sin, and bring with you your words in order to return to Hashem”.  Chazal instituted this Haftara during the ten days of repentance in order to generate a feeling of urgency in our hearts to return to Hashem before it is too late. The famous Mussar master, R’ Yitzchak B’lazar used to say that we should view this verse as if Hashem Himself, through the mouth of His prophets, is calling for us to return to Him so that we will not suffer for our iniquity. The Malbim takes note of the fact that the verse seems to repeat itself in giving the instruction to return to Hashem our God. The Malbim explains this apparent redundancy by saying that the verse is teaching us that there are two possible motivations for repentance – love and fear, and even if a person has managed to repent out of fear, his job is not over until he goes back and repents again out of love for Hashem.

I would like to elaborate on these two motivations for repentance.  When a person repents out of fear, he is terrified of the punishment that Hashem will bring upon him if he persists in his sinful lifestyle, so in essence, his repentance is motivated by a sense of self-preservation.  He does not necessarily abandon all the negative energy he has built up, he merely has enough terror to keep his passions at bay, but they remain in his heart and are capable of resurfacing the minute some of his fear ebbs.  On the other hand, when a person repents out of love of Hashem, he does so from a deep inner regret that his poor exercise of judgment represented a serious affront to his beloved, and there is no selfishness in his motivation, rather he is caring only about the relationship he damaged, and therefore his change is of a more permanent nature because it is truly sincere.  In addition, he regrets the lost opportunity to develop a relationship with his Creator who loves him.  That pain and longing are what Chazal are referring to when they discuss repentance motivated by love, and this level, the Malbim asserts, is one that we must all strive for, even if we have already achieved the first level.

I would like to relate a story which happened to R’ Saadya Gaon, which serves as a poignant demonstration of what it really means to return to Hashem out of love.  R’ Saddya Gaon, used to accept upon himself severe suffering such as ablutions in the snow, and physical pain in order to try to humble his heart into repenting properly. When questioned what exactly were his “great sins”, he responded, “While it is true that I don’t have many serious sins, it is possible that many of my good deeds were partially tainted by motivations which were not completely for the sake of Heaven, and for this I need to repent. He explained to his students that he picked up this understanding during one of his extended trips, in which he found himself in a faraway town where nobody recognized him. While there, one of the wealthier homeowners saw him in the Shul, and invited him to stay in his house, completely oblivious to the fact that he was hosting one of the greatest leaders of the generation. After staying there a few days, another guest in the house who recognized R’ Saddya revealed the true identity of his illustrious co-guest.  The homeowner, who had treated R’ Saddya quite well, was mortified that he had not been aware of the nature of the Rabbi staying in his home, and repetitively asked his forgiveness. R’ Saddya assured him again and again that there was nothing at all to be sorry about, but this simple homeowner was so ashamed that he was hosting one of the greatest men in history without giving him his due honor, that he could not be consoled.  R’ Saddya later remarked that it was this homeowner who taught him the degree of regret that one must feel if he transgressed the will of the Master of the World.  He would comment, “If this homeowner, who was in my presence, felt this amount of regret, how should we feel, who are in Hashem’s presence at all times, and didn’t give Him His due honor feel”?!  This thought spurred R’ Saadya to be involved with repentance out of genuine love, his entire life.

The Gemorah in Yuma contrasts a repentance which is done out of love and one done out of fear.  The Gemorah states that if a Jew repents out of fear, the sins which he transgressed willingly are only considered in his slate as accidental sins, and his punishment is far less severe.  However, if a person repents out of love, not only is his slate wiped completely clean, but his iniquities are transformed into merits, and he actually will get rewarded for them!  How can we understand this incredible statement of the Gemorah?  Why is it justified that repenting out of love should have any bearing on undoing the harmful effects of the negative actions we perpetrated, such that Hashem will consider our mistakes as positive actions and reward us for them?

I once heard a very interesting explanation to solve this difficulty. When a person repents out of love, every one of his sins becomes an individual opportunity to demonstrate his undying love for Hashem, and in fact, each sin retroactively becomes the catalyst to have helped generate that love.  The way this works is as follows: if, for example, a person stumbled 50 times with a certain sin, he has become quite attached to that negative behavior, and he will require a love equally strong to repent.  But if a person has sinned 100 times, he will have to increase his love to make it commensurate with his infatuation with that sin, so in essence, his sins actually generated more love after a successful repentance, and will transform into powerful merits in his cache.

Perhaps we could conclude with a parable to demonstrate, in some way, the distinction between a Jew who repents out of fear, and one who repents out of love. There were once two experienced thieves who decided to rob the vault of the king. In order to do so, they dug an intricate series of tunnels which ended up directly under the vault. When the time was right, they penetrated the floor of the vault and found themselves face to face with greater wealth then either of them had ever imagined. The first thief upon seeing the enormity of the wealth he was about to plunder, became so frightened of the scale of the crime he was about to perpetrate, and the punishment that would surely be awaiting him if he were to get caught, that he quickly reentered the tunnel and returned home without taking a thing. The second thief, who had stayed, also began to rethink his actions, but his mind took a slightly different train of thought. He began to consider what a wonderful ruler that particular king was who he was about to rob, and how fair he was to all of his inhabitants.  How just his laws were and how much mercy he had shown to all of the kingdom’s populace, and how much he and his family had personally benefited from the magnanimity of the king.  As he thought these thoughts, he became more and more disturbed by what he had wanted to do, until he became so filled with emotion that he began to weep. He cried out loud, “My king, if only I had thought through my actions, I never would have gotten to this state, and I wish I could take back all the months of planning that were designed only to steal from you”.  Unbeknownst to both of these men, there was hidden surveillance inside this vault through which the king was able to monitor everything that went on. When the king saw what the first thief did, he let him go with a strong reprimand, but the king was so moved by the stirring soliloquy of the second thief, that he sent him off with wealth and riches beyond his wildest dreams.

May we all merit to return to Hashem out of genuine love!