Where Desire Can Bring Us

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah (www.bircas.org)

 Parshas Balak introduces us to a puzzling character, Bilaam. On the one hand, Bilaam was a prophet whose level of prophecy is compared to that of Moshe Rabbeinu (Sifri Devarim 34:10), and he was one of the wisest men among the gentiles (Avoda Zara 54b). On the other hand, Bilaam wanted to curse the Jews.

If Bilaam was a prophet, he surely understood that the Jews are Hashem’s beloved nation. How could such a wise man have wanted to curse them?

Moreover, Hashem ordered Bilaam not to set out to curse Klal Yisrael, and he went anyway! As he was on his way, Hashem gave Bilaam many signs to show that he was making a mistake. His donkey pressed up against a wall at the side of the road, refusing to respond to Bilaam’s lashings. He ignored this unusual occurrence and continued on his way. Hashem caused Bilaam’s donkey to speak, logically defending why it strayed from the path. Bilaam realized that the donkey had seen an angel standing in its way, whereas he had not. This too did not stop Bilaam, who forged ahead even after an angel appeared to tell him that Hashem objected to his plan to curse Klal Yisrael.

“Hashem is always giving orders and then sending angels to undo them,” Bilaam said to the angel. “This happened at the akeida, when he sent an angel to stop Avraham from slaughtering Yitzchak. Why should I obey the second order and not the first?” (Rashi 22:34).

After so many signs, any thinking person — and surely a prophet — could have understood that he was doing wrong. How could Bilaam have been so stubborn?

Rav Chaim Friedlander answers that indeed, Bilaam was a prophet and wise man, but he also had desires. He knew full well that he was doing wrong, but he allowed himself to be drawn after his desires. Bilaam was certainly smart enough to see that Hashem was hinting to him to turn back. Only, he had a very strong desire to curse Klal Yisrael, and Hashem therefore helped him persist despite His clear disapproval.

This follows the principle (Makkos 10b): “In the way a man wishes to go, he is led.” A person may have sinful desires, but usually, he receives hints from Heaven to show that it is not worth it to give in to them. Nevertheless, if a person decides to let his desires take control, Hashem will enable them to do so.

Although Bilaam is an extreme example, many of us share his problem. We have desires that we know are wrong. For example, over-eating. A person knows that indulging is unhealthy, and yet he goes ahead and indulges. Why?

The reason is that he allows his desires to overpower his intelligence. It can reach a point where he almost can’t control himself. He simply cannot break away from that chocolate cake (and at this point, Hashem is not helping him to do so).

What is the way out? Rav Wolbe would say that there is only one remedy for this. “Make note of your behavior, see what is wrong and accept small, focused resolutions and stick to them.” Indulging in sweets? Resolve to each chocolate only twice a week, and keep it to a small amount.

If bad desires have such power, then good intentions surely have much more. Chazal express this: “One who comes to purify himself is assisted” (Yoma 31b). Unlike the would-be evildoer, whom Chazal say merely has the path cleared before him, the doer of good is given active assistance. Hashem will marshal the forces of nature so he can realize his plans.

One could ask: “I have good intentions. Why don’t I feel such divine assistance?” Sometimes we even feel held back from carrying out positive plans. The answer is to try harder. To gain divine assistance you must put in your all. As the Alter of Kelm would say: “If you don’t put all your strength into it, it means that you don’t really want it!”

Chovos Halevavos (Shaar Habitachon 4) states that you must first choose what you want to accomplish, make a concrete resolution, put all you have into carrying it out and trust that Hashem will enable you to succeed. However, until you have put in your maximum, you are not allowed to rely on Hashem.

When Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel was a bachur learning in the Mir Yeshiva in Yerushalayim, his uncle, Rav Eliezer Yehuda Finkel, was the rosh yeshiva. Rav Eliezer Yehuda advised his nephew to put all of his efforts in Torah. Rav Nosson Tzvi took this advice to heart. Although he was already putting in a lot of effort, he tried to do even more. He would average between 12-14 hours of learning each day, and he would tell his chavrusos: “Once we start learning, no chatting until the learning seder is over.”

Once, a group of American bachurim approached the young Nosson Tzvi and offered to include him in a money-making endeavor that would only demand a few minutes each day. He asked his uncle’s advice, and Rav Eliezer Yehuda told him to reject the offer. “Put all your efforts into Torah alone.”

When the summer break arrived, Rav Eliezer Yehuda told his nephew: “You don’t need a break. Don’t channel your desire to other directions. Just keep learning.”

Even though Rav Nosson Tzvi was still a young American bachur, Rav Eliezer Yehuda commented during this period: “I hold very highly of my nephew. He has such a desire for greatness in Torah, and he is doing everything he can to realize his ambitions. I’m sure that one day he will be a Rosh Yeshiva.”

May we direct our desire to Torah and merit divine assistance!