Training Ourselves to Feel Gratitude

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah (www.bircas.org)

In Parashas Ki Savo, we learn about the mitzvah of bikkurim. This mitzvah involves marking off the first fruits of the shivas haminim (the Seven Species) and bringing them to Yerushalayim as gifts to the kohanim. The ceremony in which the fruit were given to the kohanim was preceded by a lengthy speech about Hashem’s miraculous involvement in the formation of the Jewish nation, culminating with Him bringing us into the land that has produced these very fruits. When saying these words, we are told that the one bringing the fruits must raise his voice (Rashi, Devarim 26:5). The kohein and the farmer then raise up the fruits together, wave them as per the halachah, and place them upon the altar, at which point they become the property of the kohanim.

A cursory glance at the details of this mitzvah is enough to raise questions. There are numerous matnos kehunah (gifts accorded to the kohanim): kohanim receive terumah, the five sela’im at a pidyon haben (redemption of the firstborn son), reishis hageiz (wool from the  sheeps’ first shearing), chazeh v’shok (neck and thigh), and much more. Yet, unlike bikkurim, none of these matanos are preceded by a speech about the history of the Jewish people. Moreover, why should the one bringing the bikkurim have to raise his voice during this speech?

Furthermore, bikkurim are brought during a time of simchah (joy, as the time between Shavuos and Sukkos is). It says (Devarim 26:11), “And you shall rejoice with all of the good that Hashem has given you.” Throughout the year, at times not designated for simchah, the speech is omitted and the mitzvah is considered not having been brought in its proper time. In addition, when people arrived in Yerushalayim with their first fruits, they were escorted amidst music to the Beis HaMikdash where they were met by Levi’im singing in the courtyard, further emphasizing the element of simchah in bikkurim. Such details are found nowhere among other matnos kehunah. What is the nature of bikkurim that it entails so many trappings of simchah?

Rav Simcha Zissel Broide suggests that the significance of bikkurim can be found in Rashi’s comment (ibid. 26:3), that the bringer of bikkurim announces to the kohein that he is not a kafui tovah, an ungrateful person. A reluctance to say thank-you is part of our nature, and even when we do say thank-you, we don’t always really mean it. This deep-seated but errant inclination is what the mitzvah of bikkurim seeks to correct.

If we look at this concept objectively, we may wonder: why would a person hesitate to say thank you, either to Hashem or to his fellow man?

Rav Wolbe offers two reasons:

First, many people live with the unconscious feeling that they deserve everything. This may be the result of having received so many things for free when they were infants or children, and even sometimes as adults. This leaves them with the instinctive expectation that all good things should come to them automatically. Subconsciously, at least, they think, Why thank anyone if what I received was supposed to be mine in the first place?

Second, saying thank-you implies that the thanker is beholden to the one who helped him. No one wants to admit that he is obligated to someone else.

Therefore, explains Rav Broide, Hashem gave us one mitzvah to do every year that provides us with a powerful infusion of hakaras hatov (gratitude). The first thing we do with the first fruits of our harvest is take them to Hashem as an expression of gratitude to Him for the bounty with which He has blessed us. Afterwards, we say the verses about Hashem’s great love for us and the history of the nation. As a result, even someone whose particular crop did not cause him to feel so much hakaras hatov that year will surely get swept up by the recognition of Hashem’s constant miracles for us over the generations. We call out the words in a loud voice in order to arouse a more fervent sense of hakaras hatov within us. This feeling will remain a part of us for a long time to come.

Moreover, Hashem wants us to let the message be absorbed amidst joy, with song and music in the air. If we say the words “thank-you” in a bad mood, with a sour expression on our face, this is a tell-tale sign of insincerity. The timing of the mitzvah of bikkurim was designed to magnify and further inculcate the feeling of hakaras hatov in our hearts.

Today, without the Beis HaMikdash, we do not have the mitzvah of bikkurim. What can we do to gain this critical middah called hakaras hatov?

Chazal obligated us to say one hundred berachos every day. If we utilize these opportunities, raise our voices, and think about what we are saying, our appreciation for Hashem is sure to grow stronger.

Moreover, the Midrash Tanchuma (Ki Savo 1) states that nowadays, prayer takes the place of bikkurim. Each berachah of Shemoneh Esrei teaches us a specific form of gratitude, culminating with the overall expression of thanks to Hashem in the Modim prayer. Each berachah is a chance to pause and reflect on a certain benefit that Hashem has given us and express full-hearted gratitude for it.

The above applies to our gratitude to Hashem (bein adam laMakom). As for our gratitude to our fellow Jews (bein adam l’chaveiro), Rav Wolbe suggests that we train ourselves to express thanks to another person at least three times a day, preferably to a person that we feel does not deserve our “thank-you” so much. Take, for example, the grocer. Instead of viewing his motivation for supplying us with food as primarily selfish (i.e., that’s his livelihood), we should view it from the following perspective: “How convenient he is making life for me; were it not for him I would have to set out a great distance to obtain the staple items that he all but brings to my doorstep!”

All the more so should we express thanks to our parents and our spouses. Rav Wolbe goes on to say that as a marriage progresses, the only way it will hold together is through hakaras hatov. Gratitude must not be limited to something felt inside; it must be verbalized and communicated.

Once, Rav Brevda saw HaRav Aharon Kotler and his wife setting out for a taxi, carrying a suitcase. He hurried over to help them, and carried their suitcase to the cab. As he did so, Rav Aharon and his wife began showering a torrent of berachos upon him, declaring him “such a great ba’al chessed” and telling him that they have no words to thank him with. Even the gentiles present were taken aback by such fervent expressions of gratitude. And for what? For a young man’s willingness to go a few steps out of his way to help the gadol hador.

This, added Rav Brevda, was the common denominator among all of the gedolei Yisrael with whom he had contact. They all lived with a keen sense of hakaras hatov.

May we merit to internalize the vital trait of hakaras hatov!

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