Orienting oneself within the darkness

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah

After the Jews committed the sin of the Golden Calf, Moshe prayed to Hashem that He forgive the nation. When Hashem agreed to forgive them, Moshe then made another request: “Please, show me Your glory.”

“Man cannot see Me and live,” Hashem replied.

Moshe’s question is puzzling. Is this the time to make additional requests? He just gained the Jews forgiveness for their worst sin to date. Wasn’t that enough? Moreover, why was it so important to Moshe to see Hashem’s glory?

Rav Zalman Sorotzkin (Oznayim LaTorah) answers: Moshe felt that the sin of the Golden Calf happened because the Jews were still accustomed to the Egyptian idea of praying to a tangible idol. Praying to an invisible G-d is a challenge, and the Golden Calf was intended to provide a tangible intermediary between Hashem and the nation. Moshe wanted to see Hashem’s glory so he could transmit this to the people and help them view prayer (and all their service of Hashem) as something tangible.

Hashem replied that this was impossible. The message to us is that service of Hashem must be based on serving an invisible G-d. Hashem must remain hidden, and we must make special efforts to reveal Him and get close to Him. This is the way Hashem wants us to serve Him.

The Slonimer Rebbe adds that not just in tefilla but everywhere we look, we see a world where Hashem’s guiding hand is not always evident. Sometimes what we see seems like the opposite, as Dovid Hamelech describes [Tehillim 73]: “I almost turned astray … I envied the revelers, when I saw the peace of the wicked…who are not stricken as are other men.” Indeed, things seem to us unfair, with tzaddikim often suffering, and sinners seeming to prosper. The very word for “world” in Hebrew is “olam,” the root of which is he’elem, concealment. This is the way Hashem wants it. We must try to cling to Him despite His concealment.

Not just in the world but in every Jew’s private life he at times faces situations where Hashem is hidden. There may be problems in health, livelihood, family, or any of the host of issues that accompany us throughout life. The Sages (Chagiga 5a) say that such tests are not unfortunate periods that one must get “out of the way.” Rather, these challenges are tailor-made to bring out the best in us. Hashem’s concealment is a unique gift to each Jew to push him to grow in closeness to Hashem precisely because of the difficulty.

It’s easy to say, but what exactly are we supposed to do when faced with such tests?

In Brachos (5a), the Sages say that when difficulties hit, one should search out his ways. When he finds matters that need fixing, he should fix them and do teshuva. Maybe Hashem only sent the difficulty in order to arouse him to correct his deeds.

The Sages go on to say that if one examines his deeds and finds nothing wrong (which is very rare), or if his difficulties persist despite his teshuva, he should ascribe his difficulties to failure to study Torah properly (bitul Torah).

The Rif (on Ein Yaakov) notes that this can apply to a person who devotes hours every day to Torah study, but Hashem knows that he is capable of more. Hashem may bring problems to bring out his untapped potential. Many of us know men who lost their jobs, and in the ensuing weeks and months spent searching in vain for employment, began devoting more and more time to learning. Looking back, many now see the day they were fired as the turning point in their learning career.

If even bitul Torah is not the answer, the Sages say that we should view our difficulties as “yissurim shel ahava” (literally: “afflictions of love”). The Maharal explains that sometimes, for a Jew to reach greater heights, he must separate himself somewhat from the material world. Afflictions help bring this about.

We don’t realize how much the physical world diverts our attention away from Hashem. As one person put it, physical suffering brought him immeasurably closer to Hashem: “During my illness, I was in tremendous pain and was unable to do most of things a healthy person does without even thinking about it. I recall that during that time, I felt so much more clearly Hashem’s presence. I lived every day as if I had just received an unexpected gift of life directly from Hashem.”

When faced with pain and difficulties, people often react by simply focusing on the pain they feel. Instead, one should say to himself: “Hashem put me into this situation. How can I grow from it?”

In the times of Rav Chaim of Volozhin, there was a wealthy Jew named R’ Moshe Soloveitchik who gave generously to tzedaka. He was a legendary supporter of talmidei chachamim as well as the Volozhin Yeshiva. When R’ Soloveitchik suddenly suffered losses that left him penniless, no one could understand why this had happened. Rav Chaim of Volozhin even convened a beis din to determine the reason, but no viable conclusions were offered.

Now that R’ Soloveitchik had no business to attend to, he went to the beis hamidrash and embarked on a vigorous course of Torah study. Little by little, he began advancing until ultimately he was named Av Beis Din of Kovno. His sons followed in his footsteps, and decades later would found what is known today as the “Brisker Dynasty.”

“Now I understand why R’ Moshe lost his fortune so quickly,” said Rav Chaim. “Hashem wanted to give R’ Moshe reward for his exceptional generosity by enabling him to grow in Torah and build his sons up in Torah as well. This wouldn’t have happened had he remained a businessman.”

May we be zoche to come closer to Hashem in all situations!