Davening as a Way of Building a Relationship

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah

Avraham Avinu was commanded to leave his home and come to the land Hashem would show him (which was Eretz Yisrael). In describing Avraham’s travels in the Land, it states that he built an altar and called out in the name of Hashem (Bereishis 12:8). The Midrash (Bereishis Rabba 39:16), Ramban, Rambam and other meforshim explain that this means Avraham called out to people, spoke to them about Hashem and tried to bring them closer to His service. Onkelos, however, renders the words “calling out in the name of Hashem” as meaning that Avraham “prayed” to Hashem.

Why? Why does Onkelos go against the accepted explanation of the meforshim? Also: if Onkelos were right, the verse seemingly should have stated that Avraham “called out to Hashem,” because that means praying to Him. Calling out “in the name of Hashem” sounds like Avraham was talking about Hashem to others and trying to help them abandon idolatry and serve Hashem alone.

Rav Yerucham Brodiansky explains that Onkelos in fact does not argue on the other meforshim. Indeed, Avraham did reach out to people and try to bring them closer to Hashem, and one of the ways he did this was by personal example. When Avraham prayed to Hashem, people would see him and often ask what he was doing. He would explain to them: “I am turning to the Creator in prayer. Every day, I open up my heart to Him, and also, whenever I have a difficulty, I speak to Him about it, and often I am answered. Try it yourself! You’ll see that you too can become close to Hashem!”

Indeed, Rav Chaim Friedlander says that while all mitzvos bring closeness to Hashem, the very essence of the mitzvah of prayer is to come close to Him. Every prayer is an intimate meeting with Hashem. We speak to him from the bottom of our hearts and try to build a relationship with him. As we begin our prayer, we recall the intense relationship that Hashem had with our holy forefathers, Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov. Every fiber of their being was dedicated to Hashem, and they in turn became Hashem’s “divine chariot” on earth. By mentioning Hashem as the G-d of Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov, we are in effect asking Hashem that since we are their descendants, He should continue this relationship with us as well.

When we ask Hashem for all our needs, we are declaring our utter dependence on Him. We ask for everything — a healthy mind and body, livelihood, guidance, heavenly reward, individual and national redemption, peace on earth — everything. Only to a parent can one say: “I rely on you for all of my needs; I cast my burden upon you entirely!” Prayer expresses our feeling that Hashem is close to us like a parent.

Also, the sages formulated our prayers so that we address Hashem openly, in the second person. We actually address G-d as “You,” and not with a reserved, distant term, as we might use even with human beings who wield great power and authority.  Why did the sages adopt such a formulation? So that we would feel that we are very close to Hashem, and can speak to Him as if we are speaking to an intimate friend.

The Kusari (3) states that prayer is “food for the soul,” supplying us the spiritual nourishment we need until the next tefilla. In prayer, we cling to Hashem and become more spiritual; each tefilla builds within us an additional level of attachment to Hashem. Even though later in the day, as we get involved in mundane affairs, this attachment begins to wear off, some of it remains until the next tefilla, when we  renew and replenish our attachment to Hashem. Prayer and the attachment to Hashem that it brings is what keeps us going.

Since in tefilla we want to get close to Hashem, we certainly must approach tefilla seriously, and be fully cognizant as we are praying. The Chovos Halevavos (Cheshbon Hanefesh 3:9) warns very strongly that one’s mind shouldn’t wander in the middle of prayer. Tefilla is called the work of the heart (Taanis 2a). The main point is that your heart should be fully into the tefilla. If it is not, and our hearts and minds are wandering around the world, thinking about vacations, or our job, debts, errands, etc. — how can we expect to build a relationship with Hashem? You’re not really there, so why should He be there or want to come close to you?

Still, we struggle with this. It’s hard for us to concentrate completely in prayer. What can we do about this?

Rav Shimshon Pinkus would advise people to plan ahead for prayer–never to just rush into davening (see Orach Chaim 93:1). The sages state that Chassidim Rishonim would take even an hour before davening to meditate and cleanse their minds of any outside thoughts. For us, even if we don’t take an hour, we should try to get other thoughts out of our minds and concentrate on davening and getting close to Hashem. If we were meeting a powerful individual who could help us very much–wouldn’t we prepare ourselves beforehand? So too with tefilla. We should prepare our davening. Think beforehand: What I am I going to say? What should I have in mind when asking Hashem for forgiveness, health, livelihood, peace, etc. If we take the time to plan out our tefilla beforehand, we will be more focused on the words as we say them.

Davening in the presence of Rav Aharon Kohen (a rosh yeshiva of the Chevron Yeshiva) was a lesson in how to daven. It was clear that he left all matters of materiality behind and was trying to cling totally to Hashem. So focused was he in davening that once during Shemoneh Esrei, a cut in his hand opened up and blood was flowing onto the shtender before him, but he did not notice this at all.

If someone stood very close to him, he could hear a unique nigun that Rav Kohen used, to express in prayer his yearning and love for Hashem. Often during Shemoneh Esrei, Rav Kohen would surge forward, standing on tip toe, as if to come just a bit closer to Hashem. Bachurim who davened with him still feel the impact that Rav Kohen’s tefilla made upon them, even though several decades have gone by.

May we get closer to Hashem with every tefilla!