The Benefit of Painful Admissions

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah

 At the end of his life, Yaakov Avinu gathered his sons to him. He began by rebuking his first three sons, Reuven, Shimon and Levi. When he turned to Yehuda, his fourth son, Yehuda began stepping back, fearing that he too would be rebuked. Instead, Yaakov promised him exceptional blessings. Yehuda would become king and the royal line would descend only from him (Rashi 49:1).

Targum Onkelos adds that Yaakov blessed Yehuda because he “confessed without hesitation,” and Targum Yonassan Ben Uziel notes that this refers to Yehuda’s admission concerning Tamar. Years earlier, when Yehuda was informed that Tamar was pregnant out of wedlock, he ordered that she be burned to death. When Tamar secretly alluded to Yehuda that she had become pregnant from him, he admitted at once, adding that “she is right.”

Should Yehuda be praised for having confessed? Had he remained silent, Tamar would have been killed. Could Yehuda justify remaining silent? Could anyone? Choosing to keep silent and avoid embarrassment would mean killing an innocent person!

Rav Simcha Zissel Broide answers that Yehuda in fact could have remained silent. He could have saved Tamar in a discreet manner. As part of the beis din deciding Tamar’s fate (Yalkut Shimoni 145), he could have postponed her execution, claiming: “This case needs to be re-examined” and thus diffuse the situation.

There were reasons Yehuda might have justified withholding the truth. The Ramban (38:24) states that he served as regional governor in Eretz Yisrael, and as was noted, he served on the very beis din that had sentenced Tamar to death. Confessing openly to the very sin he was punishing Tamar for meant debasing himself in a most humiliating way. Any normal person would have been mortified. In Brachos 23a, the sages note that once, a yeshiva student was falsely accused of an immoral act and in his anguish he took his own life. Another concern could have been that such a confession would cause a massive chillul Hashem.

Moreover, was Tamar completely innocent? She had enticed Yehuda. A malach had forced Yehuda to be with Tamar (see Daas Zekeinim 38:15), whereas Tamar had not been forced. Nevertheless, Yehuda stood up and said the truth.

In fact, Yehuda’s test at this moment was so great that Yalkut Shimoni (159) refers to him as if he “slaughtered himself.” Yehuda’s public confession showed that he was willing to forego everything for the sake of the truth. The Yalkut says that this admission gained Yehuda great reward in the future, and concludes that anyone who admits the truth in difficult circumstances merits great things.

Targum Yonassan Ben Uziel (49:8) states that the very reason we are called Yehudim is because of Yehuda’s heroic act of confession. Rav Chaim Friedlander explains that when Yehuda put aside all other considerations and made a public confession, he put the midda of devotion to the truth into the spiritual DNA of Klal Yisrael. This means that truthfulness is one of the essential elements of our personality as Jews. It’s in our blood. Even if at times we find it hard to admit to the truth, we nevertheless have within us this ability, and can overcome the embarrassment and difficulty involved in doing so.

Clinging to the truth, explains Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein, is in fact clinging to Hashem. The sages (Yoma 69b) say that Hashem’s seal is truth. Meaning, truth is the essence of Hashem, and if one clings to truth entirely, he becomes capable of clinging to Him.

Once, people came to Rav Zilberstein and asked why their tefillos were not being answered. “There are many reasons,” he said, “but we must first understand that Hashem is truth itself. If a person is not devoted fully to the truth, how can he connect to Hashem? Every one of us has something to improve when it comes to being truthful.”

Rav Zilberstein cites the Shlah Hakadosh, who wrote of a chassid who revealed to him how he reached his spiritual level.

“As a child, my brothers and I used to quarrel, and my father would tell us: ‘I want to hear exactly what happened. If you admit to what you did I will let you off, but if you deny what you did and I find out that you did it, I will punish you twice as much.’ Whenever I confessed to doing something wrong, my father would give me a coin. Thanks to my father, I have never once in my entire life said even one word that was not entirely true.”

This was a living fulfillment of Shlomo Hamelech’s command: “Acquire the truth” (Mishlei 23:23), concludes the Shlah. Adds Rav Zilberstein, truthfulness is such a prized possession that any effort we can make to become more truthful is an effort we are required to make.

May we be zoche to cling to the truth and cling to Hashem!