Torah Leaves No Room For Negativity

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah (www.bircas.org)

In Parashas Vayigash, Yosef is reunited with his family after years of separation. The Egyptian populace greets his family with great fanfare.

Yaakov Avinu, as a celebrated individual, is invited to a private audience with Pharaoh. What transpires is puzzling. Pharaoh asks Yaakov how old he is, and Yaakov replies (Bereishis 47:9), “The days of the years of my sojourns have been a hundred and thirty years. Few and bad have been the days of the years of my life and they have not reached the lifespan of my forefathers.” Yaakov then blesses Pharaoh and leaves.

This answer is difficult to understand. Why did Yaakov complain about the travails of his life at such a time? Such behavior seems antithetical to Yaakov Avinu’s mission to spread knowledge of Hashem. In mentioning his troubles, Yaakov seems to communicate a message that is at odds with the belief in a benevolent G-d. The words seem to show that Yaakov Avinu caused a chillul Hashem, G-d forbid.

Rav Yerucham Bordiansky, mashgiach of Yeshivas Kol Torah, explains that we must understand Pharaoh’s intention in asking Yaakov how old he was in order to understand the response. Pharaoh looked at Yaakov and was expecting someone whose age and tribulations should have left him a withered shell of a man. Instead, he saw a person with a twinkle in his eyes, who was still vibrant and full of life. Pharaoh had to ask Yaakov how old he really was because he wasn’t quite sure. He couldn’t grasp the contradiction that stood before him—a combination of vitality and advanced age.

Now that we understand Pharaoh’s question, we can also understand Yaakov’s response. Yaakov explained that his physical appearance revealed his traumatic life experiences, yet that same countenance testified that he retained his love of life and his optimism for the future.

Yaakov Avinu was a living sanctification of Hashem’s Name, demonstrating to all mankind that happiness is a choice. Despite the pain and suffering that had been his lot, Yaakov showed that there is no room for sadness or complaints when one resolves to trust in Hashem. Even when everything else in his life seemed to be going wrong, Hashem was still present. This outlook separates one who has a real relationship with Hashem, and understands that Hashem loves him, from one who does not.

Negativity of any sort is a contradiction to the Torah outlook. Chazal note (Da’as Zekeinim 47:8 in the name of the Midrash) that though Yaakov’s response was not a complaint, he was punished for it because it could have been understood as such. We learn the importance of distancing oneself from negativity, and complaining in particular. We believe in Hashem, and we know that everything He does is for our good. Complaining should have no place in our lives. A Jew should never feel rejected by Hashem.

The Chovos HaLevavos (Sha’ar Cheshbon HaNefesh) explains that one is obligated to accept everything that befalls him with love. This principle is so important that of all the failures of the generation of the desert, their failure in this area was deemed the worst. According to the Chovos HaLevavos, the problem was not even that the Jews complained. The problem was that even when they complied with Hashem’s will, it was done without reverence for Him, begrudgingly. It was their lack of appreciation that was so destructive. The complaining itself was just a side effect of the real issue—that they didn’t truly feel that Hashem loved them.

Achieving an optimistic, Torah perspective in all situations is easier said than done. Those struggling with difficult circumstances may find the idea of being positive to be almost surreal, like a self-deception. Nevertheless, optimism is never out of reach. The best advice for those of us who are ready to adopt this optimistic approach is to ingrain in ourselves that everything Hashem does is for the good, and that He really loves us. Anyone who honestly recalls all the things Hashem has already done for him will be overwhelmed by the amount of kindness that has been showered upon him throughout his life.

Rav Baruch Mordechai Ezrachi, Rosh Yeshivas Ateres Yisrael, taught that even if we are in excruciating pain, Hashem’s kindnesses towards us are innumerable even at that very moment. The blessings of life always outnumber the troubles. Therefore, we are all obligated to focus on the positive.

Rabbeinu Yonah (Avos 4:1), takes this point even further. He states that as long as one can learn Torah and do mitzvos, there is nothing to complain about. Having the means necessary to serve Hashem is everything we should ever want.

A story is told of a talmid chacham named Rav Tamim, who was fluent in most of the Talmud and Halachah. Rav Tamim was also blessed with a large family. They always had just enough to get by. After many years, Rav Tamim’s parents became old and could no longer live by themselves, and it became necessary for his parents to move in with his family.

As a result, Rav Tamim had to decrease his heavy learning schedule, and the family budget had to be adjusted too. If before they had gotten by, now they had to accustom themselves to poverty. Nevertheless, the Tamim family related to this change in their lives with happiness. They were now engaged in the awesome mitzvah of kibbud av va’eim (honoring one’s parents) every day!

One day, a wealthy man offered to support Rav Tamim, who he knew was a prodigious Torah scholar. Rav Tamim refused on the grounds that he wasn’t learning as much as before due to his obligations to his parents. It would therefore be dishonest of him to accept support. The man persisted, offering to add more money for the care of Rav Tamim’s parents. Rav Tamim refused again, explaining, “This is my lot, and I am very happy with it. Hashem wants me to take care of my parents, so that’s what I’m doing.”

The Tamim family continued to struggle. Sometimes the strain on the family was considerable. Ultimately, though, Rav Tamim merited to reap tremendous nachas from all of his descendants. His sons became great talmidei chachamim, and his daughters married great talmidei chachamim as well.

When a man is content with his lot in life, Hashem helps him remain happy.

May we be zocheh to be happy with our lot!