Vayeitzei

פרשת ויצא

In this week’s Parsha, Yaakov comes down to Charan in order to search for a mate for himself as his father Yitzchak did. Yaakov knew through prophecy that he was destined to marry Rachel, and therefore was exuberant when he found her there. However, Yaakov was well aware of Lavan’s propensity for deception and therefore took the necessary precautions to ensure that on his wedding night, he would be given Rachel and not Leah. Indeed, Yaakov’s concerns proved to be well grounded, and Lavan attempted to switch Yaakov’s hard-earned bride to be for Leah. However, Rachel did something that Yaakov did not expect. Knowing that her cunning father would try to give her sister Leah to Yaakov instead of her, Rachel silently gave over the secret password which Yaakov had given her, to her sister Leah, in order to prevent the terrible shame that Leah would surely suffer were she to not do this. Due to this unfathomable act of altruism on Rachel’s part, Yaakov ended up marrying Leah instead of Rachel. In return, the Navi teaches us that Rachel’s reward is that when the Jewish people sin, and there is no valid defense to continue sustaining them, only Rachel’s prayers are successful in pacifying the attribute of judgment which is leveled against us on the basis that just as she was willing to forgo what was coming to her for the sake of Hashem, so to should the Jewish people be forgiven.

However, there is an intriguing Gemorah in Megillah, (13b) which uses a peculiar term to compliment Rachel’s actions. The Gemorah says that as recompense for Rachel’s modesty, she merited in having King Saul be one of her descendants, who was known for his outstanding modesty. One could use a great deal of adjectives to describe Rachel’s incredible actions – heroic perhaps, or maybe self sacrifice, or possibly even divine, but I don’t think that modesty is one of them. In what way was Rachel’s willingness to save her sister from embarrassment considered to be modest? In fact, one might even argue that her actions seemed somewhat immodest, by virtue of the fact that she had to share such intimate knowledge with her sister, but putting that aside, it seems difficult to see the modesty in her actions.

In order to explain this Gemorah, we need to foster a correct understanding about what modesty is. The prophet Micha (6:6) says, “What does the Lord your God ask of you? Does He ask for a thousand offerings? Neigh, all He desires is that you are just, and love kindness, and that you walk modestly in front of Him”. The Rabenu Yona (1:25) explains that when this verse refers to modesty, it means to say that all the good deeds we do, should not be for the sake of honor or to earn the respect of our peers, but rather they should be done solely for the sake of God, and this is true modesty. The Rabenu Yona proves this from the examples given by Chazal to illustrate the attribute of modesty. Chazal mention the commandment to help a bride reach her wedding canopy and to take care of the needs of a dead body. These are two commandments which generally require a person to draw a great deal of attention to himself in the public’s eye, yet the Navi still tells us that these actions should be done with modesty. The Navi is teaching us a fundamental rule in modesty. Modesty is not about whether or not people see a person’s good deeds, rather it is about what the person’s intentions are when he does those good deed. Modesty means making sure that in whatever a person does, there is none of his own ego to get in the way of God’s commandment, rather he does it only because God said so. A person must make certain that his intentions are not to use his good deeds as an excuse to be the center of interest. This is true modesty. This kind of modesty can only come from a person who has an intimate relationship with his Creator, and whose every action is calculated to bring honor to that Creator, and never to usurp that honor for himself. When a person reaches this stage, he can honestly say that he walks with God quietly and humbly, not pushing his “self” into the picture.

With this explanation in place, we can now clearly understand why Rachel is singled out for her excellence in this lofty trait. Rachel knew what it meant to be married to the greatest of the three forefathers, and she thusly knew what she was giving up when the handed the secret password over to her sister. As far as she knew, she would never see Yaakov again. She had no way to know that he would marry her as well. (She probably assumed he would never talk to her again after she tricked him like that). Yet, knowing who Yaakov was, and all that she was giving up, she did not hesitate because she knew that was what God wanted from her. This kind of sacrifice epitomizes a person who has conquered all sense of “self”, and who is completely in line with the will of her Creator. This brilliance is called modesty.

In our lives, excelling in this trait is critical. To the extent that our actions are done with modesty, to the extent that we can remove ourselves from the equation, this is the extent that we will succeed in a service of God which is more sincere, more pure, and more lofty. On a parallel vein, Chazal teach us that the one who answers “Amen” to a blessing is even greater that the one who makes the blessing! Based on what we have explained, I believe that this Gemorah makes perfect sense. The one who makes the blessing is clearly sanctifying God’s name, but it is not evident from his actions whether he is doing for his own glory or for God’s glory. But the one who answers “Amen” shows that he doesn’t care if it is he who is doing the blessing, or someone else, so long as the name of Heaven is blessed.

With this explanation, we can also easily understand the Gemorah in Berachos which says that anyone who answers “Yehay Shmeh Rabah…” with all of his strength can remove from upon himself all evil decrees. Based on what we have explained, this reward seems perfectly fitting. When a person wants to praise his creator with all of his being, he leaves over no room for himself to be in the picture. When there is no self, naturally there is no one left to punish, so his evil decree is lifter.

I would just like to conclude with a frightening story from the Yerushalmi in Chagiga. The Gemora relates that there was a certain woman who was renowned for her righteousness and her piety. Beggars would come from far and wide to collect alms from her and she would accept upon herself many fasts and ablutions. After she passed away, there was a certain virtuous Rabbi who had the ability to gaze into the next world to see how things were going over there. He was very surprised to learn that as this lady’s payment for a lifetime of fervor was that she was sent to Gehenom, where it was decreed upon her to have the hinge of the door of Gehenom constantly opening and closing on her ear as each person entered and exited from that horrible place. (One can imagine that even on a slow day, the door is probably used quite often, and usually in one direction rather then the other). Obviously surprised, he inquired as to the reason for this seemingly unjust verdict. She explained that her true motivation, at least on a certain level, for all her acts of righteousness were in order that the mention of her good deeds be spread around to all her friends, and because she wanted her “good name” to be heard far and wide, her punishment was exactly warranted. From this haunting narrative, it is clear how crucial it is that we exert ourselves to perfect this attribute of humility.

May we all merit to walk with Hashem in great modesty all of our days!