Vayigash

פרשת ויגש

In this week’s parsha, after so many years, Yosef and his family finally reunite. Yosef sends wagons to Eretz Yisrael to transport his father and the others, as the Jewish people prepare for their descent to Egypt, where they would live for 210 years. The entire family is greeted with much fanfare by the people of Egypt and Yaakov,  as a celebrated individual ,is invited to have a private audience with Pharaoh. What transpired in the exchange between Yaakov and Pharaoh is very puzzling. The Torah says that Pharaoh simply asked Yaakov how old he was, to which Yaakov replied, “The days of the years of my sojourns have been a hundred and thirty years. Few and bad have been the days of the years of my life and they have not reached the life spans of my forefathers…” (Breishis 47:9) Then Yaakov proceeds to bless Pharaoh and leaves. That’s it?!!! What happened here?!!! Yaakov has a private meeting with Pharaoh and he uses this precious opportunity to just complain about his life the entire time!!! What’s that about? Furthermore, this is not characteristic of Yaakov Avinu at all. Yaakov wasn’t a whining, fault-finding, grouchy old man. His face is on the cisei hacavod, for goodness sake!!! So why does Yaakov make such a big scene in Pharaoh’s palace? Isn’t this a hillul Hashem?

Rav Yerucham Brodiansky, the prolific Mashgiach of Kol Torah, answers that we must understand why Pharaoh asked Yaakov how old he was in the first place. Pharaoh didn’t see an old man crushed and depressed by the trivialities of this world. He saw an angelic being beaming with light, exemplifying the joy of what it means to be alive. Yaakov’s happiness was so palpable that even though physically he seemed to be extremely old he glowed with an ecstasy that personified youth. This is why Pharaoh asked Yaakov how old he was. He wasn’t really sure. With this understanding of Pharaoh’s question, we can also understand Yaakov’s reply. Only after being prompted by Pharaoh’s question did Yaakov explain that his physicality was only contorted due to his traumatic life experiences. Nonetheless, Yaakov’s very countenance testified that he still retained his optimism for the future and his love of life. And where did Yaakov get his happiness from? It was clear to all that Yaakov’s relationship with Hashem is what put him in this exalted state of bliss. Yaakov Avinu was a walking kiddush Hashem. Despite the unceasing pain and suffering that accompanied Yaakov throughout his life, Yaakov demonstrated to all of mankind that happiness is a choice. When one decides to truly trust in Hashem and completely dedicates himself to intimacy with his Maker, there’s no room for sadness and there’s nothing to complain about. Even when everything else in life seems to be going wrong for a person, he can always be sure that Hashem is still there and loves him very much. It is this outlook that separates one who has a real relationship with Hashem from others who don’t. This is what makes a person truly happy.

Negativity in any manner is antithetical to the Torah. Chazal tell us that although Yaakov didn’t complain at all when replying to Pharaoh’s question, he answered with words that could be misconstrued as a complaint. For this reason Yaakov was even punished. We can learn from here the importance and necessity of distancing one’s self from negativity, especially complaining, even if we really believe in Hashem and know that everything He does is for our good. To miss the point altogether and feel rejected by Hashem is nearly unforgivable for a Jew. The Hovos HaLevavos in the Gate of Self-Accounting writes that a person has an obligation to accept everything that befalls him with love. He expounds that this principle is so important that of all the failures of the dor hamidbar, the failure in this area was the worst. According to the Hovos HaLevavos, the central problem was not even that the Jews of that generation were constantly complaining and causing a ruckus. The central problem was that even when they did do Hashem’s will, they did so begrudgingly, without reverence for Hashem. It was

this lack of perspective and appreciation that was so destructive. The complaining itself was just a side effect of the real issue — no honest relationship with Hashem. They didn’t truly feel Hashem loved them.

However, to achieve the proper and optimistic Torah perspective in all situations is easier said than done. Especially for those who struggle in difficult circumstances, the concept of positivity can be difficult to grasp. Nevertheless, optimism is never out of reach. (See, there’s reason to be optimistic already!) The best piece of advice for one who searches for the optimistic outlook is to engrain in one’s self that everything Hashem does is for the good and He really loves us. Anyone who honestly thinks about all the things Hashem has done for him can’t help but be overwhelmed by the amount of love and kindness that he has been showered with over the course of his life. Rav Baruch Ezrachi adds that even while in pain Hashem’s kindnesses towards us are still enumerable. Although a person might struggle, the blessings of life always outnumber the troubles. Therefore a person always has an obligation to focus on what is positive in his life. Rabbeinu Yona even says in Pirkei Avos at the beginning of the 4^th chapter that as long as you can still learn Torah and do mitzvos, there is nothing to complain about. Having the necessary means to serve Hashem is everything a person could ever want. Despite how unfortunate one’s situation may seem, there’s always something to be thankful for and as long as we’re still alive and have the ability to do mitzvos, we can still fulfill the purpose of our existence.

There is a story told of a certain talmid chacham by the name of Rabbi Tamim, whose knowledge knew no bounds. He was a wellspring of Torah, completely fluent in most of the Shas and poskim. He was also a big masmid who never missed a seder. Baruch Hashem, he was also blessed with a large family and they had just enough money to get by. After many years, Rabbi Tamim’s parents became old and could no longer live by themselves. Rabbi Tamim found it incumbent upon himself to take in his father and mother, and the family would have to support them in addition to themselves. Rabbi Tamim had to cut down his learning schedule and the family budget had to be decreased as well, as the family had to struggle in poverty. However,  the Tamim family did so happily, fulfilling the mitzvah of cibud av v’aim with joy. One day, a big gevir came to the Tamim’s house and offered to support Rabbi Tamim because of the incredible amount of Torah he was producing. However, Rabbi Tamim refused the man’s offer, explaining that it would be dishonest of him to take the gevir’s money. Currently, he wasn’t generating as much Torah as he did in the past because of his obligation to his parents. Nevertheless, the gevir offered to support him and even offered to find help for his parents as well. Rabbi Tamim, however, refused again. “This is my lot,” Rabbi Tamim explained, “and I am very happy with it. Hashem wants me to take care of my parents, so that’s what I’ll do. Sorry, I can’t take your money.” The gevir then left, and the Tamim family continued to struggle. However, despite the strain on the family, Rabbi Tamim’s optimism and contentment paid off. The Tamims didn’t melt under the pressure and merited marrying off all their children, the sons becoming very big talmidei chachamim and the daughters marrying very big talmidei chachamim as well. Since Rabbi Tamim was happy with his portion Hashem made sure he kept it.

May we all be zoche to be happy with our lot!!!